The Process of Personal Evaluation

So here's the deal... I am constantly evaluating myself, I find that it enables me to grow. I examine where I am, where I am going. Sometimes it's simply a matter of looking at what's been going on in my life and asking where is this leading.
Lately it seems like I am asking the same questions over and over.
I have been looking at doing an internship this summer in toronto. I've been corresponding back and forth with e-mail, and I haven't heard back from my last note. In fact some of their responses have been wieghing on my initial excitement towards this oppourtunity. As a result I've found myself evaluating my own motives. Am I pursuing the right thing? Is this the place where I am supposed to be?
Part of my evaluation process is developing contingency plans, they are my fall back.
As a result I have been making plans in the back of my mind in case this internship doesn't work out.
The problem is that I have been asking myself if I really should be bothering with internships or even heading into pastoral ministry. I look at my actions in the past and I come to the conclusion that I am better suited in the supportive role.
It frustrates me because I do not have the answer, I don't even know what direction I'm headed. I'm following blindly.